Mother's Day - NOT What I Expected...

I am a pretty "low expectations" woman when it comes to holidays and birthdays etc. so when my husband brought home a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for me a couple of days early, I was so happy! They are so beautiful and I LOVE flowers!

My kids are Gameboy - 12, Wild Princess - almost 6, Little Flower - almost 3, and Baby Princess who is 7 weeks old so I was not expecting anything really elaborate for Mother's Day. I am a homeschooler and so it's not like my kids are going to "make something for mom at school" unless I plan it, which I did not feel like doing (a little busy lately with the newborn etc). I did go grocery shopping and made sure to bring home strawberries and my favorite chocolate, just in case someone felt like making chocolate covered strawberries for me - but didn't drop any hints.

It's been a BUSY few days and so I was not prepared at all this morning when I woke up. It was a morning of frantically running around, getting kids ready for church, packing a lunch to take to the inlaws, cutting my son's hair (WHY did I do this on Sunday morning??? beats me), showers, breakfast, packing diaper bags (yes, more than one - three, actually), and to top it off - we had an extra little one overnight last night.

When we left for church, it looked like a bomb had gone off in our house OR our home had been broken into and they couldn't find what they were looking for.

We arrived very late to church. Like 25 minutes late.

I forgot the mayonnaise I made this morning at home on the counter.

It is very difficult to manage a baby, a 1&1/2 yr old, and an almost 3 year old in a crowded building.

Our sweet Little Flower bawled and begged not to go on her visit with extended family after church (we don't have a choice - she had to go). Broke my heart into a million little pieces to drive away and leave my baby. On Mother's Day.

By the time we got to the inlaws, I was a MESS. First thing I did was bury my head in my hands and cry. This day was not feeling very special at all. I was overtired (from being up 4 times in the night) and it had been a chaotic morning. It was so busy, I didn't even have a chance to glance at the beautiful crafts my Wild Princess had made for me in Sunday school.

I was a little mad that on Mother's Day I had to be a mother and do the things that mothers do.

Sounds a little ridiculous, right?

After some good, adult conversation, I was able to take my mind off of me and focus on the people around me. It made total sense that I would have to be a mother on Mother's Day. Why did I think any differently?

My children's needs do not cease to exist just because it is Mother's Day. I had not told my kids or husband what I would like or what I expected on this day. 

I spent Mother's Day with two others who were also having a tough time with this holiday. My sweet friend lost her young mother a few years back and my other dear friend is going through some really tough situations and changes in her family and it's not easy. 

It's not easy to be a mother. If you want an easy life - don't be a mother. 

To be a mother you have to

• let go of your expectations - often
• learn to thrive and embrace your situation and your kids - no matter how difficult 
• work work work and not always be appreciated in the way you would like or at all
• seek beauty in the boring and mundane everyday things
• voice your needs and desires (men & children are apparently incapable of mind-reading!! I know - shocking.)
• Find ways to bring peace and joy into your life
• Be incredibly patient
• Seek God and ask for wisdom 

This is obviously the short list, but the important things that came to mind. I'm sure we can all add something here. 

By the end of today, I did manage to change my rotten attitude of "poor me, I'm so tired and hard-done-by" and started to appreciate my family. When we got home I had the kids do a 5 minute cleanup of the main rooms, then made myself some chocolate covered strawberries, and went for a walk on our beautiful acreage with my husband, Wild Princess, and Little Flower.

Do not let your expectations ruin your perfectly good day or your perfectly good life. It's really not so bad. More on this in my next post - Mrs. Jones.

   

"Little Flower" a poem of love from a mother's heart

Tiny, fragile, lying there

grasping at her long black hair

Eyes are closed and eyebrows raise

beautiful, her little face

Little hands are all outstretched

nothing on her face is etched

Long brown fingers, big brown eyes

everything is a surprise

Cooing, laughing, looking 'round

this little treasure that we've found

Exploring, crawling, cuddled tight

angel tucked in for the night

Peace and love are all you know

as you grow and grow and grow

Time flies by and now you're one

can't believe you're so much fun

Brother holds you in his lap

where you fall asleep to nap

Sister loves to play with you

every day with you is new

Daddy holds you way up high

you are laughing in the sky

Mommy sings your favorite song

holds you close all day long

Pretty soon you start to walk

I can't believe how much you talk

You laugh and run and sing and dance

get into mischief every chance

Your second birthday has gone by

we love you right up to the sky

You are our joy and our delight

each morning all the way til night

I try but can't describe this child

she's intricate, unique, and wild

A flower, soft, a loving heart,

intrigued, affectionate, and smart

I'll never leave or let you go

how great our love, I hope you know

I've never met a girl like you

each day you fill our hearts anew

My greatest fear, I face today

they'll take my little girl away

I'd surely stop them if I could

I hope my baby knows I would

She won't know where her mommy went

why to grandma's she was sent

Did we really love her so

will our baby ever know?

She'll try to find her mom and dad

the brother, sister that she had

She'll cry not knowing where we are

or why we had her sent so far

 Our precious girl, alone and sad

crying for the ones she had

Please come back, come back for me

I'll be good, mom, you will see

Once this case is closed and filed

"they" will have traumatized a child

who should've been happy, attached, and free

instead of suffering emotionally

Will they know your favorite things,

the lullabies your mommy sings?

Your blanket, drink, and special cup, 

what you like when you get up?

My tears flow freely as I write

sitting here so late at night

Wishing I could stop this pain

fighting, but I fear in vain

I pray to God in Heav'n on high

I beg Him, "no!" and ask Him, "why?"

and yet I know He knows my pain

I know our loss is not in vain

His plan, I trust but cannot see

I'd stop it all if it was me

I want to keep my little daughter

I beg my God, my Living Water

So I beg, please hold her near

Lord, please let her know no fear

Hold her tight and dry her tears

give her joy for many years

Help her, please, to understand

if I could I'd hold her hand,

Hold her close and hear her voice,

but letting go is not my choice

If from her this cup can pass

I plead, my God, that's all I ask

Let us keep her, let her stay

don't let them take my girl away.

The Stranger

I have read the following story a few times over the years and it's worth your time. I do not know the author, unfortunately....

The Stranger 

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on. 

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors:

Mom taught me good from  evil, and Dad Taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. 

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. 

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet.

(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.) 

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. 

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely ( much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. 

His name?.... 

We just call him, "TV."

* *Note: This should be required reading for every household in America !** He has a wife now....We call her "Computer."

This story grips me every time I read it. When a real person acts violently or swears or acts inappropriately in front of my children, I cringe and do anything I can to protect my kids. I do not allow those things in my home. But I let it in through the screens in my home. 

Some reasons I hate tv, video games, and electronics...

It takes away from the relationships in the home by isolation. Everyone is on their electronic device and not interacting with each other.

The more they watch, the more they misbehave and fight with each other.

The more they watch, the more dazed and unresponsive they are. It actually negatively affects the way your brain functions - especially in children. 

They see and hear things that they should not be seeing and hearing. It puts fantasies and wicked thoughts into your mind. Actions follow thoughts.

It zaps their creativity and imaginations.

It creates a mentality of entitlement and boredom.

It promotes laziness, unhealth, and depression. 

It steals your life, your joy, your potential.

It takes your focus off of people and real life and God. 

We have always had "rules" around our electronic use, but, I admit,  I have not been very consistent with them. Two days ago, I decided that I want something better for our family. I want kids who know their parents love them and who have close family relationships. I want kids who see and know and pursue their potential in life. I want kids who work hard and play hard. I want kids who have good character and kids who have a heart to serve others and not be self-centered. I want to enable and encourage my kids to be successful in their lives and in their relationships. 

Two days ago, I limited tv, computer, and ds to 2 hours maximum combined per day. The kids are a bit uncomfortable with this but are compliant. We are using timers and keeping track. I am encouraging good 'ol work and play and relationships the rest of the time. What they don't know is that in about a week's time, I am going to change it to 1 hour per day.....and then a week later we'll be moving to 30 min per day.....and after that maybe only a couple days out of the week or just on the weekend. This stuff is not going to be ruling our lives anymore. 

We are actually going to move and learn and grow and spend time with each other and with our family and friends and God. We are going to make a difference in the world around us. We are going to discover our potential and help others discover theirs. We are going to really live. 

 

Tribute to My Family

My Dad is a pretty solid guy. He's a hard worker and had the same job forever (more than 25 years) and has had his current job forever. He is all brains and speaks 4 languages fluently and could (and would) defend someone he loves in court - and win. He fights for the helpless aborted babies and writes to the people in government regularly. He loves God and his faith is solid and unwavering.

Mom is incredibly strong and determined. She works crazy hard and likes to laugh and have a good time. No matter how hard or long or tedious a job, she will work til it is done. She likes to plan surprises for people, and will be there for you whenever you need it. She will bend over backwards and loves to help people in any way she can. She loves learning, music, and singing. She loves God more than anything else in this world and is often sharing words of wisdom.

Lexie, my oldest sister, can make anyone feel beautiful. She embraces people without judgement and knows how to have a good time. She is terribly funny and fun to hang out with. She is an amazing storyteller and will have everyone laughing in no time. She is very money smart and hardworking and motivating. She can plan a great party on short notice and will help you succeed in your life.

Bonnie, my next oldest sister, is a lover of knowledge. She knows about everything, it seems. She always knows the best, time-saving, money-saving way to do almost anything. She is mechanical, studies hard, and works hard. She is a positive and motivating and loving person and she loves spending time with the people she loves. I truly believe she could do whatever she put her mind to. She is very forgiving and her faith is important to her.

Mark, my older brother, is the hardest working human being I've ever met. He is crazy thrifty and his problem solving skills are unmatched. He always has a story to illustrate his point and it always makes perfect sense. He is an excellent teacher, lover of God, loving and compassionate father, and would literally give you the shirt off his back even if he just met you 2 seconds ago and it was -30. He is the least judgemental person I know and incredibly stubborn and tough. He likes to prove he can do it, especially if everyone has told him it's impossible. An excellent and hilarious story teller - he's unique.

Marla, next sister, is hilarious. She loves to analyze and she likes to research things and make sure that she is always making the best possible choice. She is silly at heart and very fun to be around.  There is never a dull moment when hanging out with Marla and she can make any situation light by her amazing ability to make vivid comparisons from her imagination to match the situation she's/you're facing.She is an hilarious story teller, a hard worker, and a good friend and will go out of her way to help you in any way she can. She has a huge heart for the less fortunate, loves truth and is always seeking it and God.

I just have to share such a vivid comparison from this morning that she put on facebook - 

 "feeling a bit like a hampster who got into a huge bag of sugar and is now laying in the corner of his cage with his eyes bugging out of his head, hoping he doesnt have a heart attack. only I didnt eat sugar. just had a stressful morning."

Then there's me, and I am not going to describe myself - I'll let somebody else do that lol

Next in line is Gerda. She, like my dad, is very analytical and smart. She takes her time making decisions  and likes to make the right decision the first time and not waste her time and have to do it over again. She always has a piece of godly wisdom and is a great person to talk to when you're having a rough day. She is an excellent listener, very money savvy, and has a knack for decor, style, and makeup. 

Then there's Alice. She is quiet and doesn't open up easily, but when she does, there is a beautiful spirit in there. She believes in people and is a great listener. She is seeking the face of God and is an excellent mother. She works hard and is quite fun to be around. She is a funny storyteller, as well. She is very loving and affectionate, too. 

Josiah, my brother, is the youngest. He is a genius, just like our Grandfather was. He works hard, plays hard, and is a very loving guy. He's a great listener and friend. He is naturally funny and an amazing storyteller and handles any social situation with ease. He's the guy that always says the right thing and has 10 people hanging on his every word. 

These 9 amazing people I get to call family and I'm grateful for all of them.  

 

Successful & Present Parenting

"I wake up each morning and hope for the best. Are these kids gonna drive me crazy today? I hope I can get through the morning and make it til naptime. All they do is fight and whine and interrupt me. Maybe I'll just turn on the tv so that I can check my fb or talk on the phone or take a nap. Worse case scenario I'll have to get off the phone and break up a fight and then get back on the phone.

Finally nap time. I hope they don't quit taking afternoon naps, that'd be too stressful. Ugh, I feel like I can never get anything done. The house is a mess and I can never keep up. I just don't have enough time in my day to get everything done. When was the last time I did something for me? I feel like I always have a thousand things to do at once and it's just so overwhelming. I don't do schedules....or routines. They don't work for me. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person."

Is this what goes through your head each day? Maybe not all of it, but some of it? I admit that I have had all of these thoughts at one point or another. I have wondered why the kids just can't get along. Why I can't keep up with the housework, etc. I've been thinking a lot lately about distractions and parenting and I was going to write a post just about that, but then I stumbled across an amazing post here about distractions while raising kids and I couldn't have said it better. Be sure to jump over to Hands Free Mama to read it. You'll be glad you did!

I've noticed that when I get distracted or my kids end up watching too much tv or play video games for too long or are left on their own for too long without adult interaction and communication - they are HORRIBLE. Kids have needs and someone needs to meet those needs and if the adult in their life isn't meeting those needs, then they begin to communicate LOUDER that they have needs that aren't being met. Kids aren't great communicators - in case you haven't noticed - and screaming, hitting, punching, kicking, whining, making messes, etc top the list. The reason they use these behaviors is because it WORKS EVERY TIME. It always gets your attention, unlike when they stand next to you and say, "Mom...mom....mom, mom, mom, MOM! MOM! MOM! MOMMMM!"  And we find that sooo annoying, when they keep "bugging" us when we are "busy".

When you have kids you need to be present and actually raise them.

Things you should know about each of your children:

1. Their favorite things - toys, colors, books, foods, activities
2. What makes them sad, happy, mad, frustrated, excited
3. What's important to them
4. Their love language - read The Five Love Languages of Children by Chapman & Campbell - Don't have time to read? Just print off the quiz and fill it out for each child.
5. What they want to be when they grow up - even if it changes every week
6. What kind of personality they have
7. What motivates them
8. What their dreams are
9. What calms them down - how they self soothe
10. What they are afraid of
11. What they're good at
12. What they struggle with
13. Who their friends are and what those friends are like and into and those parents

This list isn't exhaustive, but it's a great start. Make up a list for each of your kids and see if you can answer these questions, and the ones you can't answer, ask your child.

Some ways to be present with your kids:

1. Create a special tradition for when you get up in the morning. It could be a beverage you always share, a phrase you always say, or a song you play - whatever you can come up with.
2. If a schedule is too rigid for your family, develop a routine - even a basic one. Kids thrive when they know what's coming next. Not having a routine will make your kids feel insecure and that will lead to a lot more negative behaviors. Even a basic routine is a discipline that you will have to work on, but develop this good habit and things will run much more smoothly - for you and for them. Adults feel better and have more energy and motivation when their days are planned out. This is what I use every morning and I get tons done in way less time than I did with the "wing it"  method I was using before.
3. Say "I love you" as many times a day as you can.
4. Thank your child for the things they do around the home.
5. Read to your kids every day or every night. We use chapter books and try to read one chapter a day.
6. If your kids watch tv after school, watch it with them. 
7. Include your kids in making dinner and talk about their day, their dreams, their frustrations. Let them guide the conversation.
8. When your kid is talking to and you are on your phone or the computer or watching tv, put down what you are doing and look them in the eyes. You usually don't need to finish what you are doing before you give them your attention. Really listen and respond positively.
9. Plan dates with your kids. They don't have to be extravagant or cost money. Go for a walk, play catch, work out together, knit something, play a board game, read, just talk over a favorite beverage in another room of the house away from everyone else for a set amount of time. Don't bring along any distractions and be sure that everyone else is set up with something to do in order to minimize interruptions. 
10. Laugh and tell jokes with your kids. Maybe come up with a new joke every day.
11. Ask your kids how they feel about things (be specific) and help them positively work through why they feel the way they do.
12. Let them pick the activity.
13. Have a bedtime routine that is special for each child. We read to our kids before bed, sing them each a song of their choice, tuck them in and pray with them. After tucking them in, as I leave the room we always say to each other, "joobin-gaudin, elephant shoe, elephant dung". Don't ask me why, we just always do, and they love it.
14. Spend time teaching your kids how to do life. Teach them how to do chores (and include them in the housework), how to do relationships (sibling rivalry produces tons of opportunities for this), work on character traits, teach them how to handle money.
15. Set a good example by how you interact with other people, how you spend your money, how you make decisions, how you express yourself and deal with your emotions.
16. If you do wrong by your kids, apologize and ask for forgiveness. Show them that you, too, struggle with things and are working on improvement.
17. Focus on the positive and encourage your child instead of focusing on the negative and criticizing. Criticism is good but in small doses. Think about how it makes you feel when you are criticized. Think about how it makes you feel when you are encouraged. 
18. Look at your kids as little people with feelings and passions. Love them no matter what they throw at you and help them discover who they are and what they are meant to do/be. 
19. If you aren't going to do it, don't say it. Show them that your word means something and that you can be trusted. Not just with discipline, but with promises of activites, etc. 
20. When they share something with you, no matter how shocking, don't react. They are confiding in you and even if you do not approve of what they are telling you, it's huge that they are telling you. Be calm, correct if necessary, and encourage them in the right direction. 

 

This is just what I have come up with and, again, not an exhaustive list but a place to start. Parenting can be overwhelming, but the truth is, we only have to deal with one moment at a time. Be present with your kids and help them figure it out. Often I think that my kids should know better or behave better, but really, they're just kids. I'm not saying that they should use that as an excuse, but I cannot expect a child to behave as an adult. Change is tough and building new habits takes time, so work diligently with your kids and over time you will see improvement.

 

Your kids need parents - BE that parent!  

 

Don't just hope they'll turn out - HELP them turn out!

 

 If you have anything to add to this, I'd love to hear your comments! 

Summer 2012 Updates

Hey, so I haven't been around for a long time and I'm going to just give you a quick update before I dive back into "regular" blogging (hey, I'm trying!)

Homemade Baby Formula - so I tried this for a couple-3 weeks and it was ok. K ended up getting some pretty good diarrhea and I found out from a friend that it was because I didn't water down the goats milk half and half  before mixing it up. She wasn't used to the milk, so needed to be eased into it. So I didn't end up trying it again, but I may try it again in the future (with another child seeing as K is now over a year old and on 3% milk and having a lot less colds).

Homemade Deodorant - still love it.

My Office. Ugh. Well, it's not that bad, but it doesn't look a heck of a lot better than it did. My organization in there is greatly improved and the floor is usually kept clutter free - but it's still a bit of a dumping ground and I'm still working on getting rid of as much as possible and figuring out systems that will work for me. Improvement is progress.

No Shampoo - I went "poo free" for about 3 months and enjoyed it. I liked my hair and it was pretty good. A little itchy that first week or two but then pretty good. I ended up having a dandruff problem, which I'm not sure was related, and so went back to regular shampoo and am still using it. Interesting, though, my head is quite itchy quite often. Like every 3 days or so it gets annoying, so I may try some shampoos from the Health Food store in town and let you know what I think of that.

Another Baby! So I have 5 kids now and the addition was quite unexpected and I got, well, half an hour's notice of the change! It was a whirlwind and exciting and crazy and the babies are the same size and the same weight and very near the same place developmentally which makes it "feel" like having twins (although not exactly like twins, one is 5 months and one is 13 months). I still carry, feed, rock, nurture, love, change, dress 2 babies. I have crashed a little once already and now have a cold (and so do all the children, except 1) and I suspect it's because of the new set of germs in the house. :)

The kids are all a little more irritable -

L is tired more easily and a little on edge and overwhelmed, but LOVES the babies and realizes that good stress is still stress. He helps a lot.

 J is as up and down as ever (pray for her) but I'm working super hard at building relationship with her and lavishing her with all the love I can muster. She, too, loves the new addition :)

D loves the baby the most. She ADORES her and mothers her and nurtures her. She is full swing into the "getting into EVERYTHING" stage (cutting up the playpen mesh, eating a tube of flouride free toothpaste, trying to eat deodorant, putting thick diaper rash cream all through her hair and on her hands and feet, brushing her teeth with anybody's toothbrush she can get her hands on, etc etc etc). She is a rollercoaster and a complete joy.

K hated the new baby for the first little while. Not sure why, cuz K is the sweetest baby on earth. It took her a few weeks, but she is warming up to baby P very nicely :) I wouldn't say she loves her yet, but she is definitely ok with her being around now. We love K more every day and she is finally progressing! Crawling (aka crab walk), saying a few words, signing more, responding, sitting up on her own, trying to stand.

 And little baby P is delightfully patient and calm and sweet and chubby and lovely. Her cry is horrible and odd, but it's tolerable since she's such a joy :) 

I'm doing really well, but had to make a few changes and am still making changes.

1. Packing diaper bags and visit bags the night before.
2. Making Matthew's lunch the night before.
3. Working way harder and going on the computer/watching tv way less.
4. Doing housework in the evening instead of winding down and watching tv which means I go to bed a little later and wake up a little tireder and have to nap in the afternoon a bit more often.
5. NOT FEELING THE LEAST BIT GUILTY ABOUT NAPPING. I need my rest. When I don't get it I'm grumpy or get sick.
6. Spending more one on one with the kids.
7. Make batches of bottles the night before so they're ready the next day.
8. Getting out for regular dates with Matthew and regular breaks when I'm overwhelmed. (thanks to the respite fund!)
9. Making 2-4 meals at once and cooking way less often.
10. Getting more and more organized in all areas of my life because I have to. (and I want to)
11. I finally quit teaching Sunday school and so won't be continuing in the fall (unless I change my mind)
12. Lots more paperwork and emails (foster related)
13. Dr's appointments coming out my ears lol

I'll stop there, but I could go on.

What I'm loving right now:

cuddling babies
reading stories
going for walks with my triple stroller
visiting with friends
a clean and organized home
home cooked meals
 taking naps
dates with Matthew
 teaching the kids
 prepping for the school year
 time alone with God
going to church
watching the kids dance to crazy music
 Matthew coming home at the end of the day and the children running to hug him,
encouragement and help from family and friends
 Bible study at my house on Tuesday mornings
coffee (how did that end up so far down the list??? lol)
listening to all my clocks ticking late at night when all are sleeping
watching my babies sleep
having 5 children - Love that.
Summer weather and storms and our borrowed air conditioner
food
Pinterest
helping friends/family
crafting

........I'm so grateful. <3

Time

We all have 24 hours each day to use in whatever way we choose. That's 1440 minutes. Every day. Time management is one of those things that can slip thru the cracks in the chaos of everyday life. I personally am not very good at it. I can sit at my computer and, before I know it, 120 of those minutes are gone. My kids are often competing for my attention - competing with the computer, the phone, my bed, the housework.........When it's put down on paper, it seems easy to prioritize, but in the moment, it's not.

My children are priceless treasures waiting to be guided........

If I'm not available to them, they will follow someone or something else. I am starting to see my kids do or say things and I'm like, "what? Where'd that come from...." just to realize later that they saw it on a commercial - I'm not totally bashing tv watching (I don't really like it, but allow it) but if my kids are watching tv, I should be available for discussion of what they are seeing and hearing and how that is or is not God-glorifying.

A lot of beautiful moments are forever lost because of a mom who is too busy. We are all super busy, I know, but sometimes we aren't really too busy, we just don't feel like it....

This scenario plays out a lot at my house:

Child: "Mom, can you read me a story?"

Mom: "Not right now, maybe later."

Child: "Can we have a picnic today?"

Mom: "Uh.....I'm too tired today, maybe tomorrow."

Child: "Can you show me how to make a cake?"

Mom: "I have too much to do today, sorry."

And so the kids make their own fun - they fight, they get into stuff, they do anything and everything they can think of to get mom's attention. This just exasperates mom and the yelling begins. Mom thinks she has bad kids and is overwhelmed........this brings more time on the computer or the phone........Mom really needs a break. Things continue to escalate.......All hell breaks loose and Mom retreats to her room wondering how it ever got this bad............

It got this bad cuz Mom didn't feel like reading a story. Sounds harsh, but it's true. Kids THRIVE on spending time with their parents. A story doesn't take long, just a couple minutes, and we have 1440 of those at our disposal.

Yesterday I made the decision (again) to be a more present and involved parent. I sat down for the first time in ages to watch a show in the DAYTIME! (never happens) and sure enough, within about 15 minutes my little girl came up to me and said very sweetly, "Mama, I tryin a make a cake for you but I don't know what ingredients to nooze....can you teach me?" I looked at my show and looked at that sweet girl's face and decided that yes, we would make a cake right then. It was chocolate and Logan even pitched in and we made memories. Sweet memories. They learned. They spent time together and with me. We had so much fun.  It was much more rewarding than that show would have been.

So next time you don't feel like it, just try. You'll be surprised how much happier your kids will be, how peaceful your home will get, and how blessed you'll be from something as simple as a story.

Middle Child?

If you know me, it is common knowledge that I have been potty training my middle child for the past TWO YEARS. Enough said.

I have tried everything. Nothing has worked. How many times have we heard that from parents?

I really have, though. And I have been at a loss for awhile now. I have been very frustrated.

My husband came home yesterday and said something to me that I think (and am hoping and praying) will make all the difference in the world.

He said, "The oldest gets all the responsibility and privileges, the youngest gets all the attention, and the middle child is just stuck in the middle."

Ok those weren't his EXACT words, but they are my interpretation/paraphrase of them. My plan now has been to really spend time with her. I've given her attention in the past in hopes of it helping in the potty training area, but this is different. I think I need to change the way I am with her for the long haul. Reading a book to a kid one day and not the next 5 doesn't change anything. But really investing in who they are and getting down on their level on a moment by moment basis and including them in everything I do is what I am getting at here.

This is Day 1. I will let you know how it's going :) I'm optimistic!

Intentions

"I didn't intend to leave my phone on my bumper"

"I didn't intend to lose my temper and yell at my kids"

"I didn't intend to forget to pay that bill on time"

We don't intend to. That's the problem. WE NEED TO INTEND TO.  

This morning I do not feel like being a good mother. I am tired. I am a little grumpy. I have a cold. I feel lazy. BUT I have kids and they are gonna go all haywire on me if I don't set some GOOD INTENTIONS!

So for today, I needed to start off my day INTENDING TO BE A GOOD MOTHER.

Thank you, Sharpie, for my custom mug this morning! 

I also have these reminders on my stove for me to read every time I am in the kitchen - which is often:

Left:

I am the thermostat that sets the emotional climate for the entire home. I am positive, excited, and encouraged.

Middle:

I am not called to be perfect, I am called to be at peace. 

Right:

My children are a BLESSING in my life and I am raising them to be a BLESSING to this world.

(you can find these at Hannnahkeeley.com!)

I choose my thoughts carefully. I don't let my mind think what it wants. Instead, when I feel like crap, I think things like......

"I would like to read with my children this morning!" 

"I am going to spend one-on-one time with each of my kids today and this is what I am going to do with each of them......" 

"I can't wait to see how fabulous my kitchen is going to look when I have finished washing all these dishes! Maybe I'll make something yummy for dessert......"

Instead of thinking things like.......

"Ugh. I have SO much housework to do. What is the point anyway? It's always such a mess. I can't keep up. And the kids are acting like brats! I wish they would just be quiet and clean up after themselves for once......"

So far so good :) I have a feeling that today is gonna be one of those FABULOUS days! ;)

	Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

A Woman's Face

So we've all got faces and we use 'em for many things. Mainly they help us to portray to others how we are feeling. Facial expressions can help or hinder us in our attempts to communicate, though.  Here's an example from my life that I've run into countless times..........

I was really busy, running one of my fundraising things (there was a lot going on), when someone said to me, "Hey, it's ok to smile!" I was a little stunned. I had no idea that my face was communicating misery! I was having a fantastic time, but I forgot to consciously make my face reveal that.

Sounds dumb, I know, but I've gotten this one a lot in my life. Friends often asking, "what's wrong??" when life couldn't be better!

When I was younger, early 20s, people often thought I was mad or upset because of the tone of voice I used. That was just how I had always talked. That's just the way I was. I wasn't upset, I was just me. But I had to make a decision to change that about myself because I want to be a better person. I don't want to stay in the muck just cuz that's where I've been for a long time. That doesn't make any sense.......unless you like muck, I guess.

So I will keep this one short and sweet, but I want you women to do a couple of things this week....


1. Go in front of a mirror and make all of your typical facial expressions at yourself and see what they really look like. Then pick out the ones you'd like to drop and make an effort not to let those expressions cross your face.

2. Pay close attention to the tone of voice you are using when you are talking to your family members. Who you are at home is who you really are. When you combine the harsh tone of voice with the bad facial expression - that can be pretty uninviting. 

 Who would wanna kiss THAT face??

 Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

3. Be positive. There is sooo much negativity all around us and it isn't doing anyone any good! Some people like to call it "realism" but we already know that the world is a bad place sometimes, so why focus and dwell on that?? Being positive enables you to have peace in tough or unpleasant situations and it helps the people around you, too. So choose a positive thought, choose a positive word, choose a positive action. No one wants to be around a complainer - so don't be one.

The End.

Why I Go

I am, and always have been, very stubborn about not missing church. Lots of Christians don't think that missing church is a big deal, but I'm not one of them. And I'm not judging the ones who think that way, either. I just want to share why I go.

I'll start by saying that it's Sunday, Mother's Day, and I didn't go to church today. I could have, but I didn't. We've had these stubborn colds/sinus infections for weeks and weeks and weeks now, and I was supposed to teach Sunday school this morning and would not have been able to. I would've had to keep one of my kids with me in the service as she's sick and I can't put her in the nursery. My husband needed the vehicle to go to work, cuz our other two vehicles need repairs right now. He was leaving for work at 5:30 this morning. I had a long weekend and was very busy and very tired. I just thought it'd be a better idea to stay in bed, rest, and go to church next week.

I was wrong.

Going to church really gives me that boost that I need for the week. Without it, I find I struggle a lot more through my days.

Running into my Christian friends and catching up and having them pray for me (and me pray for them) means a lot to me.

The messages at our church are very down to earth, relevant, powerful messages and they always hit home. They are life changing and rich.

When I have the opportunity to teach the little 3 year olds about how much Jesus loves them, it makes my day. It's a powerful thing to develop a relationship with a little child and invest in their eternal lives. I really missed them today :( (although I wouldn't have been able to teach today anyway)

If a relationship is important to you, you invest in it. My relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life, so committing a couple hours a week is my "date" with God. 

Going regularly is like have spiritual showers. Being refreshed, renewed. It brings peace and rest to my heart and soul. It keeps me on track. It encourages me and lifts me up. It gives me hope.

Seriously....who would want to miss that????

Fortunately, I have access to my God at any time of day or night, right in my own home. But still, it's good for the soul to be with other like-minded people and to receive the teaching that we need to grow. It's more than good. It's important.

Romans 12:2b  
...be transformed by the renewal of your mind....

Hebrews 10:24-25
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

So next time I am deciding whether or not to go......I'm going. 

Learning to Cherish my Little People

I have 4 best friends that I spend nearly all my time with. Their names are Matthew (my husband), and Logan, Jasna, and Daisy - my little people. I have spent a lot of the past 10 years "caring" for these little people, meeting their physical and emotional needs, but not really knowing them. People preach about "quality time" and carting your kids to as many activities as possible to help them be "well rounded" and "socialized". I have tried these ideas out and they've been ok, but not ideal.

I am taking a different approach.
We have learned to stay home A LOT. We work together, play together, laugh together, cry together, pray together, read together, and so much more. We're not always running here and there and we do our best not to be consumed with "busyness". Even school takes a backseat to our family time. Learning is very important, but bookwork is not as important as building relationships with your family. 

Recently, it was laid on my heart that I don't truly know my children's hearts. Sure, I know how they act up and what they don't like to eat and what they want for Christmas and who their friends are and if their laundry needs washing or noses need wiping. I kinda know what to expect from them in different situations. Some are more "well-behaved" than others. But now I am learning to see the inside of my little people.

My 3 year old is a delight and a joy - half the time. The other half is quite the opposite. Opposite of delightful and joyful. We've been in a back-and-forth battle with behavior. When I see my little girl throwing a HUGE fit, I am choosing to no longer take it personally and to no longer see it as a battle of wills. I see a little girl who needs guidance and love - MORE THAN ANYTHING! She doesn't know what she wants or what's good for her. She doesn't know how to do life. No one has taught her, and so she's trying to figure it out.

A lot of adults can't even figure out how to do life well, much less a 3 year old.

So part of my job description is helping her learn how to do life. Minute by minute, day by day. Gentle words with kindness and patience and long-suffering is needed to bring about the change in their habits and lives. They're not going to do what's right just because they know what's right. We need to help them get there. Day by day. Tantrum by tantrum.

There is a balance that is hard to find and that is being the AUTHORITY in their lives, but mixing it with gentleness, kindness, and mercy. Authority doesn't have to be harsh. It is firm, but it is loving. In order to have authority in my kids' lives, I have to have a relationship with them. I can't just boss them around and expect that my instructions are going to be heeded. I have to have their hearts. I have to fellowship with my kids.

How do I have my kids hearts?

Take time to talk with them. Listening to them and letting them guide the conversation. With my 10 yr old son, we talk about Bowser's Inside Story (his DS game he plays all the time). He talks about battles and aliens and all kinds of weird stuff. So I really listen. I ask him questions about how he defeats the enemies (and sometimes we talk about our Spiritual enemies and how we defeat those). When I talk to my 3 yr old daughter, it's all castles and princesses and beautiful tea parties, etc. We talk about life, but in her terms and on her turf. (at a tea party)

She said to me, yesterday, "Mama, when you're angry with me it makes Jesus bery sad, so please you be happy with me?" This was out of the blue, while she was playing. It made me chuckle, but it's good to know she's thinking about these things. Sometimes she'll correct her older brother with words she's heard from me. (sometimes that's good, sometimes not lol)

My point in all this is that you can't just herd your kids around like cattle. Making sure they're fed and clean and rested isn't enough. It doesn't take a lot of time to have a relationship with your kid, it just takes being intentional and consistent.

Example: (probably shared this one before, but it's one of my favorites)
At 11 pm a couple weeks ago, I was putting my 3 yr old in bed. (she is usually in bed by 7, but had had a very long nap). She hung her head and said, "Mama, you agot (forgot) to have a tea party with me." followed by a sigh. I looked at the clock and thought, "Why not?" I raced her to the kitchen table, pulled out my tea cups and saucers, poured the imaginary tea and we both said, "Cheers!" and drank up! The tea party took 1 minute. 1 minute. And I tucked a very happy girl in her bed that night.

I'm not saying that we need to cater to our kids and that they should get their way all the time and always have what they want. I just think we could do a little more in the relationship building department. If they love you and they know you love them because they've experienced your love and time, they will listen to what you have to say. They will respect your authority. How much better to have a kid do what you say because they love you and want to please you, than to have them do it out of fear or because they HAVE TO OR ELSE! That's not going to build a lasting relationship.

Just a few things I've learned about my kids lately:
-Jasna can't wait to get to heaven to see Jesus' "castle". She is very affectionate and helpful. She helps pack Daddy's lunch every day :)
-Logan longs for dates with his mom, with no distractions. (ie. little kids, phones, computers, etc) He is great with his baby sister and is a very thoughtful child.
-Daisy loves to be with me and under my feet. She is learning to play games now! I tell her to say "Mama" and she'll say "Dada" and then throw her head back laughing! What a goof! :)
 
 I can't wait to learn more! What a blessing it is to be with these little people all the time! I've always got my friends over. There's always someone to talk to, someone to encourage, someone to help, someone to play with, someone to teach, someone to listen to. It's comforting and quite enjoyable :)

Wow!

    Sometimes I am offended or hurt by the actions or words of others. If it's my kids, well, it's pretty easy to forgive them, to move on. If it's a close friend, the hurt seems deeper and harder to forgive or forget. If it's family, it can seem unforgivable. The way I want to respond is to get defensive. Throw something back at them. (Not literally, of course) It's so easy to shift the blame, or make someone else look worse, justify my actions. "I am not the one who started this. I would never do that to someone I cared about. I ...I... I...  I don't feel that I'm in the wrong maybe, so I want to make myself look better than I really am and make them look worse than they really are.

When someone hurts us, sometimes, we say we'll forgive, but can't forget. I think that it is impossible to remove a memory from your mind, but I think that what forget really means is that our actions and words towards that person in no way reflect past hurts. Forgetting just means acting as though it never happened. It doesn't mean you can't remember. It's a choice, just like forgiveness is. Forgiveness is removing your hurt and their fault as far as the east is from the west. But, oh, it is so much easier to hold it over their head, right? "But I'm not at fault, I'm not the one who lied, cheated, I've done nothing wrong. They should pay." Jesus paid the ultimate price for us by willingly being slain for the sins of the whole world. He had done nothing wrong. He was sinless. We should have paid for our sins and been thrown into hell. That's what we deserve. But he showed love and forgiveness and suffered the shame of all our sin, removing it from us as far as the east is from the west.

    So you're not at fault? So? Neither was He. In his book 'Just Like Jesus' Max Lucado says, "Only one was worthy of having his feet washed and he was the one who washed the feet. The one worthy of being served, served others. The genius of Jesus' example is that the burden of bridge-building falls on the strong one, not the weak one. The one who is innocent is the one who makes the gesture...More often than not, if the one in the right volunteers to wash the feet of the one in the wrong, both parties get on their knees. Don't we all think we are right? Hence we wash each other's feet...Relationships don't thrive because the guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful." Well said. Foot washing was the job of the lowest servant in the house. And Jesus volunteered for the job. Our King, our Father, the Son of God washed the dirt off of our feet and the stains of sin from our hearts. To be just like Jesus, we need to step up and volunteer forgiveness and mercy and kindness, not just to those we love but also to those who hate us. 

I can't believe she did that!

"I can't believe she did that!" How many times have we heard that line or one like it? What follows is a detailed account of whatever the woman did and what the speaker thinks of that and how they would have done things differently. What is not being considered is that there is a reason why people do things. It's what they know, what they've been taught, where they've been, what they've seen, how they've been hurt. Maybe that poor woman had a terrible day. Maybe she just found out her family member died and so she yelled at her kid when they were causing a ruckus. Maybe she yells all the time. Maybe.....You know what? It doesn't matter. Maybe we shouldn't be talking about it at all. It is fun to talk about other people and their problems and their faults. It makes for interesting conversation and makes us look better, wiser. Right? What if that woman was you? How would you feel if you heard people talking about you in a negative way? Words cut to the soul. They are lasting and create wounds that are very difficult to heal.

Growing up, gossip was a big part of my life. I would spend hours on the phone or with friends, talking about other people. It was considered normal. I mean, all the adults I knew did it. I heard them all the time. Besides, it was fun and why should I stop anyway? This bad habit carried into adulthood. I don't remember when I realized how God felt about this habit of mine, but I do remember making a clear decision to stop gossiping for good. Oh it's hard! But being a gossiper is only half the battle! Then there's being the gossipee. (I don't think there is such a word, but you get my drift) Often I'll walk into a room and hear the tail end of some conversation about someone and I am sooo curious what it's about. "Oh who are you guys talking about? They did what?" I am learning to keep my mouth shut and not ask. It's hard.

Another scenario is another person trying to haul you into a gossip filled conversation, and though I don't want to participate, it's awkward to back out without hurting any feelings. Usually I will opt to say as many nice things about the person being talked about, or say something like, "Oh, that sounds like a tough situation. That's too bad." and then try to change the subject. Trying to be vague and not saying anything to fuel the conversation doesn't always work though. Sometimes I have to be blunt or find some excuse to leave the conversation. I have a friend who when faced with a gossiping situation will say, "Oh let's pray for that person! I'll pray right now!" lol that usually puts things to an abrupt end. That may not always be practical, though, say in the workplace or among people who aren't Christians. Another person I know will suggest bringing  the person being talked about into the conversation. That, too, ends the gossip. I think that we can make a difference just by how we talk about people, or don't talk about people. My rule of thumb is, if I wouldn't say it with them standing there, then I don't say it. And if it is critical, then it should be for the person-in-question's ears only.

We can come up with so many good excuses to gossip, though! One of the classics is - "I just need to vent! I really need to get this off my chest!" Another good one is - "Oh I have to tell you all about so-and-so so that you can pray for her/him." Then we proceed to tell every juicy detail of the situation when a simple "Could you please pray for so-and-so, they are dealing with a tough situation right now" would do. Do you ever notice how it's fairly simple to figure out who is "safe" to confide in? I have a couple of friends who just love to talk about everybody. They are good friends, but I have never, and will never confide in them, nor will I really ever fully open up to these people. Why? Because I don't want everyone else they know to know all of the intimate details of my life. So while they remain good friends, we will never be able to be great friends. Wanna know who they are? Just kidding. I wouldn't do that! lol

As believers, we are called to live a life that is pleasing and honoring to God. Gossip just doesn't fit in this picture. I am no saint, by any means, nor do I have this area of my life conquered. But I am sure doing my best and I claim that promise: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 Here are a few more motivating verses:

1 Peter 3:10
For "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;"

James 3:7-10
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

That is just the tip of the iceberg of what God has to say about our speech. Let's shock the world and not join in on the "fun". I don't know about you, but I'm in.

Waking Up Mad

I woke up mad this morning. My sweet 3 year old had climbed into my bed around 5am and began whispering to me and stroking my hair over and over. Aw! Sweet, right? NO!  I got up and gave her something to eat and told her to be very quiet. She agreed that she would play quietly and thanked me for the snack. I went back to bed. Some time went by and she was back in bed with me again, stroking my hair, rolling over, rolling over again, stroking my hair some more......I asked her to stop and rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. She got up again, this time Logan was up, and I thought, "Finally! A few minutes of shut eye!" For the next hour or so, all I heard from the next room was Jasna talking in her loudest voice and Logan constantly shushing her. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock and it was after 8am. Really? I am still in bed and feeling soooo tired? I was annoyed that I hadn't gotten the sweet sleep I "deserved" and that I had to get up all tired, thanks to some noisy kids! I wanted to stomp out of my room and glare at them and mumble some complaints under my breath.


Even while these thoughts were still going through my head, I knew how stupid and immature and ungodly they were. But I wanted to be mad! I thought about how I was feeling towards my kids and how God has put me here to set a loving example for them. Reluctantly, I asked God to help me change my attitude and decided to call in the culprit for a talk. Jasna came skipping happily into the room with a big smile on her face. "Hey, mama!" she said in her sweetest voice, giving me a hug. I kindly explained to her that when I am sleeping it is because I am tired and I need to rest. I asked her to please not wake me up anymore unless it's important. She agreed, still smiling, and said she was sorry for waking me up. I felt a lot better getting up after that than I would have if I had gone with plan A, which of course would be holding a grudge.

I would love to say that the rest of the day went sooo well and I learned a valuable lesson. Well, lol, apparently the lesson didn't stick, cuz God needed to teach me the very same lesson all over again only a few hours later! I was getting tired (cuz I hadn't slept well last night) and decided that I was taking some time to rest. Daisy was sleeping, Logan had finished most of his schoolwork, so it was perfect timing. Matthew and Jasna were playing around and Jasna started shrieking with delight. Daisy started crying. "I am not taking care of her right now!" I declared. "You guys woke her up, you guys take care of her. I'm tired!" lol it wasn't long after the words had escaped my mouth that I realized how foolish I was being! I am their mother and I have been given the privilege of caring for these wonderful kids, no matter how I am feeling. Daisy isn't going to make herself a bottle!

Hopefully this time the lesson will stick. It's so easy to be selfish and treat others badly because I deserve better. God has a totally different way of thinking. He wants us to love others more than ourselves. To show the love that God has poured into us, to those around us. It's easy enough to say that I am going to show my kids God's love, but to actually do that, to show God's love through each action that I take, each word that I say, each decision that I make...that is hard. This week I am striving to change my attitude on this issue and to show the love of God to the people around me. Not just the ones I love, but to everyone I encounter. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

These verses have been on my mind lately.....
Romans 5:6,7
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.

We may never find ourselves in a situation where we must make the decision to lay down our lives for someone else, but every day we are faced with the decision to show God's love in every situation, or not. At church on Sunday, someone said, "How I feel is not as important as what I know." So from now on, I am not going to wake up mad. And if I do wake up mad, I will remember this verse and change my attitude.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.