A Different Approach to Valentine's Day

Love is in the air today and my Facebook feed is full of posts about Valentine's Day. The stores are crammed with men picking up last minute gifts for their significant other and women picking out a special something for themselves or their special guy. Chocolates, wine, flowers, jewellry, lingerie, among other things. 
A lot Most of us women expect a gift on Valentine's Day from our man and if we don't get one, we are disappointed and even angry or hurt. If we are single ladies, we feel bad that we don't have a special someone in our lives and so we treat ourselves instead. 

18 billion dollars will be spent for Valentine's Day. 

Another commercially run "holiday". It's not about love, it's about money. 

This post was on Dani Johnson's wall (she's a self made millionaire):

Can you believe what the marketers have turned Valentines Day into?? BUYING!! 18 Billion will be spent for Valentines day. What happened to LOVING? A study showed that 53% of women say if they dont receive a gift from their significant other than they will END their relationship....15% of women buy themselves a gift for Valentines Day. REALLY!!! Let's feed an orphan for Valentines instead of feeding selfish desires. Let's LOVE others with LOVING words of encouragement & service instead of making demands.

I want to challenge you to do something different this year. Instead of focusing on ourselves, lets reach out and spread love to everyone and anyone we can. Look for small opportunities to do big things. Try to bless everyone who comes across your path today. Offer a helping hand, a kind word, a hug, a special gesture - especially where it's unexpected. 

Matthew 22:39

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Take this a step further. Who needs our money, our gifts, our time? 

You could choose a single mom who is struggling, 

sponser a child,

help stop child sex trafficking - check out this site (they have a different cause every week),

Support women in Nepal who are trying to build a new life after being saved from human trafficking by buying their jewellry,  or you can visit their main site here and help in other ways, 

choose an orphanage to support financially (whether a one time donation or an ongoing financial commitment), 

gather supplies and deliver them to a women's shelter, 

visit the elderly, 

visit someone in the hospital, 

shovel someone's driveway (someone who really needs it, then ring the bell and run away! So.fun.). 

It doesn't matter if it's big or small, every act of kindness blesses the giver and receiver. And as far as doing something special on Valentine's day with that special someone or by yourself, go ahead! You don't need to blow a bunch of money to have a wonderful time. Spend time with each other and plan a date that is free! (or next to free). For some great and inexpensive date ideas, check out my friend Sharla's blog - she even has a printable full of ideas! And here's another great site with tons of ideas. 

Remember what love really is. It's not that gushy feeling and all the fluff that comes with it. 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, Y'ALL!

<3 <3 <3

Lovin' Yer Hottie :)

My birthday. Valentine's Day. Our Anniversary. Mother's Day. The anniversary of when we started hanging out. The anniversary of when we started going out. The anniversary of when we bought the rings. The anniversary of the marriage proposal. Christmas.

These are all "special occasions" where it would be so nice for my guy to do something extra special for me.

I love it when he buys me roses or other flowers. I love it when he surprises me with wine and chocolate. Or a note. Or a poem. Or a date. He picks out the "perfect" gift and can't wait to see me open it. We want our guys to say sweet nothings to us and adore us and spend "quality" time with us. We want them to listen to how our day went and to our dreams and desires. We expect a lot. Most of us do, anyway.

But what are we doing for him? Are we doing special things for him on all of these occasions? Or are we just anticipating what he's gonna do for us?

Guys don't want flowers.......well, not usually ;) But they want you to hang out with them in the garage or watching the hockey game or listen (for the eighteen-hundredth time) to them go on and on about their passions, which definitely aren't our passions. (Make their passions your passions, too.) They want a hug and a wink and......well, you know. They want a wife who doesn't always have a headache ;) (To loosely paraphrase Sheila Wray Gregoire) They want a hot wife! Not a frumpy, grumpy, boring wife. Not a wife who complains at them the second they get in the door, or is too engrossed in whatever she's doing to say hello and give him a big kiss when he comes home.

Not all guys are the same, (contrary to popular opinion) but they each have their own unique desires. Besides s x , I mean. (I did a great job camouflaging that, didn't I lol) I challenge you to try to figure out what it is that is gonna make your guy know you love him and that you took the extra time to make his day.

Here's what mine likes:
1. Clean laundry - ALL THE TIME. He wants to go in the closet and find what he wants to wear, clean and not wrinkled.
2. A clean house when he gets home from work. He works hard all day. It's hurtful to him if he comes home and the house is a disaster. This is his place of peace that he looks forward to coming home to. Nobody wants to come home to a disaster, day after day.
3. Good food. Enough said, eh?
4. Late night snacks (often involving some kind of cooking)
5. Going to bed at the same time as him.
6. Watching tv with him.
7. Putting effort into my appearance. How do I know this? Cuz he SAYS something every time I do.

This list is not exhaustive, by any means, but you get the idea. Guys like dumb things. If I came home and he had cleaned the house for me, that'd be nice. BUT I'd much rather flowers and chocolate and wine. Who cares if the dishes are done???!! Not me. But he does. This isn't about doing stuff that YOU think is special or thoughtful, but what HE thinks is.

-Surprise him with a massage, without asking for one back. No puppy dog eyes, either ;) lol
-When he's in the shower, heat up his towel for him for when he gets out.
-Make his favorite meals......often.
-Write him a note, telling him what you like about him and that you appreciate him, and leave it in his lunch or on his pillow.
-Wear something......ahem.......interesting and fun to bed instead of your big old lady nighty :)
-BRUSH YER TEETH! and more than just when yer goin' out! (I'm guilty of this sometimes) *head hanging in shame*
-Make him a coffee or hot chocolate or whatever he likes every morning. or night. or whatever.
-Tell him you think he's a hottie and how much you love him. Cuz he is, right? And you do.
-Tell your girlfriends how amazing he is. When and if it gets back to him, he's gonna feel good knowing you talk GOOD about him!

BE CREATIVE. BE FUN. DON'T BE A GROUCH!

See how many times in the day you can say something positive instead of negative. Too many of us become complainers and nags without even realizing it. It just becomes a way of life and a way of communicating. I mean, look at small talk with a stranger......complaining about the weather, right? Say GOOD things ALL THE TIME and your environment will be sunnier :)

Oh! And I gotta quote my friend, Tyler, (who was quoting Kevin Leman)

If you don't have a love affair with your husband, someone else will. ~ Kevin Leman (7 Things He'll Never Tell You, But You Need to Know)

That affair might not be with another woman, but with his job or his hobby or his friends. You get my drift.

That's all I got right now.

I'd love to hear some of the ways you make your man feel special! (G-rated, please lol)
Gotta run, goin' to watch some tv with my hottie :)
 

Keeping the Honeymoon

I am 29 years old and have been married for 5 years this coming April. I am young and have not been married a long time, but I have learned a few things along the way. I do not claim to have marriage perfected nor do I claim that I have all the answers. I have had some trials, but have not faced trials as devastating as others have. I have a pretty good marriage, actually. However, it is a good marriage because we work hard at it. When I was dating Matthew, I worked hard at my appearance and my attitudes. I was careful with my words. I didn't want to offend or hurt him. I was excited ecstatic every time he phoned me or I got to see him. Anything and everything we did together was amazing. I hung on his every word, knew every curve of his face, noticed every quirk. I loved him! People warned me, "Oh this won't last. You'll get married and then the honeymoon will be over." But I was determined that it could and would last. But how? If it doesn't last for other people, why would it last for me? I made a conscious decision that I was going to do what it took to really love my husband, no matter what.

So, 5 years later, I am still quite smitten with my husband. (ask my inlaws, they think I'm crazy lol) Some things I have done well and others I could work on. Here I'll share what I've been up to.

#1 I discovered through reading the book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs that my husband is a human being. Wow. I mean, I knew that, but I treated him like he was on a pedestal. I thought he could do no wrong. Well one day he proved me wrong :) I have a wonderful husband, but when he would do something I didn't like, I would be offended and hurt, even angry on occasion. That attitude wasn't helping anybody. Dr. Eggerichs says that we need to see where the other person is coming from, and know that they are not intending to hurt us. My husband's intention is never to hurt me. He loves me. One of our natural responses to hurt is to lash out at the other person. When my husband is doing something that I don't like or agree with, I choose to see it as something that he is struggling with, instead of seeing it as a personal attack. He's just a person, just like me. And I hope that he does the same for me. I don't intend to hurt him, but sometimes I do. That's marriage. That's life.

#2 I am excited to see my husband when he comes home! He's worked all day and when he walks through the door, 3 pairs of feet go running to meet him at the door. (we carry the baby, otherwise there would be 4 pairs of feet) I think about him off and on all day while he's at work, and I show my excitement to the kids of his soon return. When he leaves for work, weather permitting, we all run out on our deck and jump up and down and wave like crazy people, yelling, "We love you! Bye!" over and over. (I'm not sure what our neighbors think about this, but I don't care)

#3 When you're dating, you look great! Your teeth are always brushed, your clothes are always perfect, you eat with your mouth closed, you never skip deodorant, you shower every day, your hair is perfect at all times, you always do your makeup, you're always cheerful....then you get married.....You brush your teeth if you're going out someplace or if you just can't stand your own breath anymore cuz it's altering the taste of the food in your mouth, you throw on whatever from the closet or the floor, you don't bother to shower unless you are expecting company or have to go somewhere, (and even then, I can throw on a hat, right?) You wash your hair when it's too greasy to stand, makeup? On Sunday's yeah, for church, cheerful? Well if the weather was nicer and I wasn't stuck in this house all the time with these demanding kids, whine whine whine....nobody in their right mind wants to be around someone like this! That's not who he married. That's not what he was expecting. That's not fair to him. And people wonder why their husbands become work-a-holics or end up having affairs with the hot girl at work. It's because she's google-eyed over him and thinks he can do no wrong and puts great effort into her appearance and her attitude! Well, I can do that at home, can't I? So you do. Do it for your husband. He loves you and would probably be a bit more crazy about you if you just put in some effort in these areas.

#4 We date. Sure we can't always go out someplace for lack of $$ or a sitter, but we date right at home if that's the case. Kids in bed/rooms at 7, lights down low, fave snacks and wine are set out, we chat, watch some of our favorite shows on tv(pvr), and just enjoy each other's company. I call it going out for drinks and a movie.....in the living room. Remember when you used to go on dates before you got married and you hung on his every word? Well, for the last 5 years, a ton of our conversations have revolved around trucks. That's what my husband loves. He is passionate about it and knows soooo much about that topic. He loves to tell me about some new drop suspension he discovered or how to bypass a catalytic converter or show me a pic he designed of his ideal truck and then go on to explain in every way, how it is the ideal truck. This was fascinating to me at the beginning, but soon became tiresome. Not all the time, but sometimes I just wanted to talk about some recipe I found or tell him some crazy dream I had or the funny story of what the kids did that day. At one point, I made a conscious decision (there it is again) to love what my husband loves. So now I love trucks. I want to hear about them. I don't care if that is all we talk about when he comes home, cuz he is talking to me and sharing his passion with me! That's awesome!

#5 This one I am still working on, but I'll share it anyway. I am just starting to read the book called The Five Love Languages. I have had this book on my shelf for some time and I am picking it up now because I want to be very intentional in the way I show love to my husband. I want to be sure I am showing him love in the way that he needs to be loved. One thing I know means a lot to my husband is when he knows that we appreciate his hard work and protection. My husband is a very hard worker and he is very intelligent. He is also very proactive in the protection of his family. If he becomes aware of any danger, he warns us and explains the danger to us. I'll just share one example of this with you. Because of my husband, I no longer keep my cell phone in my purse or on the seat while driving. It stays in my pocket. Reason for this? He has cleaned up soooo many bad accidents and found cell phones lying out on the road in the middle of the intersection. Not very useful to the person trapped in the car. This is something I never would have thought of, but could very well save my life and the lives of our children some day. So I really appreciate that he looks out for us in this way.

There are many more, but this is getting long, so I'll stop here and share more another time. Find ways to show love to your husbands. Value them and what they do by your words and actions. Show them that their wife has still got it ;) Give them something to be excited about when they get home at the end of the day. Be their best friend. Some of this I am sure you've heard before, but it's good to remind ourselves once in awhile. Hopefully you can take something away from this and start making a difference in your marriage! I'd love to hear your stories on this topic, too!

Me and my hottie ;)

on our wedding day

Fixing the gutters

Today, I went outside and "braved" the "cold" (+5) lol to fix our gutters which were dripping all over the deck and driveway. For those of you who know me well, this is note-worthy. I am a bit of a homebody and venture outside only to go to my vehicle or, every other week, to take the garbage cans down to the road. It's so bad that we could have a new truck/trucks in the yard for a few weeks before I will notice them there! So for me to go outside to do much else (when it's not summertime) is a big deal.

So I had cold water dripping/pouring on me and I also learned that I need new boots as my feet got quite soaked! It took probably about 30 minutes or so of trying to get the drain pipe-thingys to fit together properly and not come crashing down on my head. I am feeling rather proud of myself right now, I must admit :) I mean, no one asked me to fix those gutters, I just saw something that needed to be done and did it. I am sitting here, hoping that Matthew will notice, of course, when he gets home, and that he will be impressed and thank me for taking care of that. All normal thoughts and expectations, right?

Well, this has brought something to mind. For all of us who have husbands, brothers, and fathers who usually take care of all of this sort of stuff - we need to take notice and thank them. We come to expect them to do these things and so when they do, we say nothing. I don't know if it matters to them or not that we don't notice their hard work and weird jobs they take care of, but I assume it does! So take the time to thank the guys in your life for all they do for you. We all want to be appreciated. This week I am going to look for opportunities to thank Matthew for the things he does for us :) Cheers!