My 3 yr old daughter took this pic of me

Sunday, May 22, 2011

To be a Foster Parent

When people think of becoming a foster parent, they think of helping abused and neglected children.

They think of poor little souls coming into their homes and being nurtured and loved.

They think of building relationship and bringing healing.

With foster to adopt, which is what we do, the hope is always for us to be able to adopt the child(ren) brought into our home. For that child to become a part of our family and not be moved around in the system. It's the best case scenario for the child.

But that's not how it is.

It starts out that way, though. Workers tell you stories about how no one is fit to care for the child. None of the family can take them. How bleak the situation for reunion with the bio family looks. How likely that it is that the child will go PGO (permanent guardianship order) quickly.

So you love and you give and you nurture and you heal and you bond. Especially with a baby. It feels like it's your own child from your own body. No different from your bio children.

Things are looking good. Nothing has been happening.......Then everything changes.

Visits start. First with one parent, then maybe the other. Then a relative changes their mind and wants the child. This unwanted, uncared for child is not that at all. EVERYONE wants this child.

But this is now MY child. My baby. My love. My sweet sweet child, whom I've loved and now fully cherish with every part of my being. She is confused and being passed around and doesn't know why. And I have no say in it.

Soon enough, we'll find out what's going to happen.

Imagine how awful it would be to have your children taken away from you. Imagine that it's your fault and that you messed up. You only did drugs once or you only lost it on your child cuz you were under a lot of pressure or you left them home alone cuz you had no one to watch them and no money to pay a sitter and if you took a day off work you'd lose your job and then your apartment. Imagine. It's awful. You're torn up and your mind is racing trying to think of everything you have to do to get them back. The list is long. You are emotionally spent and feel you have nothing left in you but you have to fight.

Now imagine that you have loved and nurtured your child. You have done everything right. You have bonded so strongly. And then they come and take your child away and give them to somebody else. You will never see that sweet face again. It is pure and true loss. It must be viewed as a death. The grief is intense and long. The hole in your heart is deafening.

It's not easy being a foster parent. It's not glamorous. It's supposedly for the "good" of the child. But in a lot of situations, that's just not the case.

If I was not a christian, I could not be a foster parent. Without God on my side, holding me up when I am falling in despair, making me strong when I am weak, giving me hope when there is no hope in sight, carrying my sweet daughter when I will no longer be able to hold her in my arms....I could not do this. I pray every day to my God to protect and care for my sweet girl, no matter the outcome. I can have peace because I know He cares for her and loves her even more than I do.

God is in control of it all. Not the judge. Not the parents or relatives. Not the social workers. Not me. Only God. He will do what is best for her. He will carry her through and us, too.

Thank you, God, for watching over and protecting all of my children. For going with them when I can't. I trust. I believe. I hope. I know......the love and protection and plan and guidance of my King......because He's always been there for me. My children are all in His hands.

Job 1:21
And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

This is how I feel. This is what's on my heart day after day. I cherish each moment I get. I cherish my role as a temporary mother. I cherish my children. I cherish my God. I'm learning that nothing is set in stone......unless God sets it in stone. Thank goodness He's on my side.

If you have a relationship with God, please take the time to pray for us. Prayers matter. Thanks :)


  1. even if i dont have a relationship with god, I still have the abiblity to pray. i dont pray for myself, but i always pray for others. i believe in my heart that u are honest, true, and strong. you deserve the children who deserve you're help!

  2. This is beautifully written and very moving. I think fostering is so important and so incredibly difficult. I admire you for putting yourself and your personal feelings at risk of heartbreak for the sake of the child. I will pray that God will protect that child and will work out all things for her good, and for you to have peace. She is blessed to be loved by you and even more so to be loved by Him.