My 3 yr old daughter took this pic of me

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Keeping the Honeymoon

I am 29 years old and have been married for 5 years this coming April. I am young and have not been married a long time, but I have learned a few things along the way. I do not claim to have marriage perfected nor do I claim that I have all the answers. I have had some trials, but have not faced trials as devastating as others have. I have a pretty good marriage, actually. However, it is a good marriage because we work hard at it. When I was dating Matthew, I worked hard at my appearance and my attitudes. I was careful with my words. I didn't want to offend or hurt him. I was excited ecstatic every time he phoned me or I got to see him. Anything and everything we did together was amazing. I hung on his every word, knew every curve of his face, noticed every quirk. I loved him! People warned me, "Oh this won't last. You'll get married and then the honeymoon will be over." But I was determined that it could and would last. But how? If it doesn't last for other people, why would it last for me? I made a conscious decision that I was going to do what it took to really love my husband, no matter what.

So, 5 years later, I am still quite smitten with my husband. (ask my inlaws, they think I'm crazy lol) Some things I have done well and others I could work on. Here I'll share what I've been up to.

#1 I discovered through reading the book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs that my husband is a human being. Wow. I mean, I knew that, but I treated him like he was on a pedestal. I thought he could do no wrong. Well one day he proved me wrong :) I have a wonderful husband, but when he would do something I didn't like, I would be offended and hurt, even angry on occasion. That attitude wasn't helping anybody. Dr. Eggerichs says that we need to see where the other person is coming from, and know that they are not intending to hurt us. My husband's intention is never to hurt me. He loves me. One of our natural responses to hurt is to lash out at the other person. When my husband is doing something that I don't like or agree with, I choose to see it as something that he is struggling with, instead of seeing it as a personal attack. He's just a person, just like me. And I hope that he does the same for me. I don't intend to hurt him, but sometimes I do. That's marriage. That's life.

#2 I am excited to see my husband when he comes home! He's worked all day and when he walks through the door, 3 pairs of feet go running to meet him at the door. (we carry the baby, otherwise there would be 4 pairs of feet) I think about him off and on all day while he's at work, and I show my excitement to the kids of his soon return. When he leaves for work, weather permitting, we all run out on our deck and jump up and down and wave like crazy people, yelling, "We love you! Bye!" over and over. (I'm not sure what our neighbors think about this, but I don't care)

#3 When you're dating, you look great! Your teeth are always brushed, your clothes are always perfect, you eat with your mouth closed, you never skip deodorant, you shower every day, your hair is perfect at all times, you always do your makeup, you're always cheerful....then you get married.....You brush your teeth if you're going out someplace or if you just can't stand your own breath anymore cuz it's altering the taste of the food in your mouth, you throw on whatever from the closet or the floor, you don't bother to shower unless you are expecting company or have to go somewhere, (and even then, I can throw on a hat, right?) You wash your hair when it's too greasy to stand, makeup? On Sunday's yeah, for church, cheerful? Well if the weather was nicer and I wasn't stuck in this house all the time with these demanding kids, whine whine whine....nobody in their right mind wants to be around someone like this! That's not who he married. That's not what he was expecting. That's not fair to him. And people wonder why their husbands become work-a-holics or end up having affairs with the hot girl at work. It's because she's google-eyed over him and thinks he can do no wrong and puts great effort into her appearance and her attitude! Well, I can do that at home, can't I? So you do. Do it for your husband. He loves you and would probably be a bit more crazy about you if you just put in some effort in these areas.

#4 We date. Sure we can't always go out someplace for lack of $$ or a sitter, but we date right at home if that's the case. Kids in bed/rooms at 7, lights down low, fave snacks and wine are set out, we chat, watch some of our favorite shows on tv(pvr), and just enjoy each other's company. I call it going out for drinks and a the living room. Remember when you used to go on dates before you got married and you hung on his every word? Well, for the last 5 years, a ton of our conversations have revolved around trucks. That's what my husband loves. He is passionate about it and knows soooo much about that topic. He loves to tell me about some new drop suspension he discovered or how to bypass a catalytic converter or show me a pic he designed of his ideal truck and then go on to explain in every way, how it is the ideal truck. This was fascinating to me at the beginning, but soon became tiresome. Not all the time, but sometimes I just wanted to talk about some recipe I found or tell him some crazy dream I had or the funny story of what the kids did that day. At one point, I made a conscious decision (there it is again) to love what my husband loves. So now I love trucks. I want to hear about them. I don't care if that is all we talk about when he comes home, cuz he is talking to me and sharing his passion with me! That's awesome!

#5 This one I am still working on, but I'll share it anyway. I am just starting to read the book called The Five Love Languages. I have had this book on my shelf for some time and I am picking it up now because I want to be very intentional in the way I show love to my husband. I want to be sure I am showing him love in the way that he needs to be loved. One thing I know means a lot to my husband is when he knows that we appreciate his hard work and protection. My husband is a very hard worker and he is very intelligent. He is also very proactive in the protection of his family. If he becomes aware of any danger, he warns us and explains the danger to us. I'll just share one example of this with you. Because of my husband, I no longer keep my cell phone in my purse or on the seat while driving. It stays in my pocket. Reason for this? He has cleaned up soooo many bad accidents and found cell phones lying out on the road in the middle of the intersection. Not very useful to the person trapped in the car. This is something I never would have thought of, but could very well save my life and the lives of our children some day. So I really appreciate that he looks out for us in this way.

There are many more, but this is getting long, so I'll stop here and share more another time. Find ways to show love to your husbands. Value them and what they do by your words and actions. Show them that their wife has still got it ;) Give them something to be excited about when they get home at the end of the day. Be their best friend. Some of this I am sure you've heard before, but it's good to remind ourselves once in awhile. Hopefully you can take something away from this and start making a difference in your marriage! I'd love to hear your stories on this topic, too!

Me and my hottie ;)
on our wedding day


  1. You are a very wise & insightful girl, Rachel! I should make a conscious decision to love what Geoff loves. I get so sick of hearing about basketball aaaaaall the time. But, it's what he's passionate about, even if I don't understand why. And I agree...too many of us stay in our jammies all day, not caring about our appearance. I try not to do that. Besides, I always feel more tired and lazy when I do.

  2. ...and I'm really enjoying reading your blogs!

  3. Well, I like how you sound real and a genuine person. I appreciated your #3. I find that so hard, to make myself look nice, because my husband and I are both home most of the time due to both having Chronic Fatigue, it feels like a lot of effort. Please pray for us. I would really like to make myself look pretty FOR MY HUSBAND. I find it so sad we both dag around the house everyday :( Thanks for your words. God bless you and your marriage and family x