I woke up mad this morning. My sweet 3 year old had climbed into my bed around 5am and began whispering to me and stroking my hair over and over. Aw! Sweet, right? NO! I got up and gave her something to eat and told her to be very quiet. She agreed that she would play quietly and thanked me for the snack. I went back to bed. Some time went by and she was back in bed with me again, stroking my hair, rolling over, rolling over again, stroking my hair some more......I asked her to stop and rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. She got up again, this time Logan was up, and I thought, "Finally! A few minutes of shut eye!" For the next hour or so, all I heard from the next room was Jasna talking in her loudest voice and Logan constantly shushing her. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock and it was after 8am. Really? I am still in bed and feeling soooo tired? I was annoyed that I hadn't gotten the sweet sleep I "deserved" and that I had to get up all tired, thanks to some noisy kids! I wanted to stomp out of my room and glare at them and mumble some complaints under my breath.
Even while these thoughts were still going through my head, I knew how stupid and immature and ungodly they were. But I wanted to be mad! I thought about how I was feeling towards my kids and how God has put me here to set a loving example for them. Reluctantly, I asked God to help me change my attitude and decided to call in the culprit for a talk. Jasna came skipping happily into the room with a big smile on her face. "Hey, mama!" she said in her sweetest voice, giving me a hug. I kindly explained to her that when I am sleeping it is because I am tired and I need to rest. I asked her to please not wake me up anymore unless it's important. She agreed, still smiling, and said she was sorry for waking me up. I felt a lot better getting up after that than I would have if I had gone with plan A, which of course would be holding a grudge.
I would love to say that the rest of the day went sooo well and I learned a valuable lesson. Well, lol, apparently the lesson didn't stick, cuz God needed to teach me the very same lesson all over again only a few hours later! I was getting tired (cuz I hadn't slept well last night) and decided that I was taking some time to rest. Daisy was sleeping, Logan had finished most of his schoolwork, so it was perfect timing. Matthew and Jasna were playing around and Jasna started shrieking with delight. Daisy started crying. "I am not taking care of her right now!" I declared. "You guys woke her up, you guys take care of her. I'm tired!" lol it wasn't long after the words had escaped my mouth that I realized how foolish I was being! I am their mother and I have been given the privilege of caring for these wonderful kids, no matter how I am feeling. Daisy isn't going to make herself a bottle!
Hopefully this time the lesson will stick. It's so easy to be selfish and treat others badly because I deserve better. God has a totally different way of thinking. He wants us to love others more than ourselves. To show the love that God has poured into us, to those around us. It's easy enough to say that I am going to show my kids God's love, but to actually do that, to show God's love through each action that I take, each word that I say, each decision that I make...that is hard. This week I am striving to change my attitude on this issue and to show the love of God to the people around me. Not just the ones I love, but to everyone I encounter. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
These verses have been on my mind lately.....
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.
We may never find ourselves in a situation where we must make the decision to lay down our lives for someone else, but every day we are faced with the decision to show God's love in every situation, or not. At church on Sunday, someone said, "How I feel is not as important as what I know." So from now on, I am not going to wake up mad. And if I do wake up mad, I will remember this verse and change my attitude.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.